Surprise Party
by EinAffe
Summary: Why is Anakin planning a party for Obi-Wan's engagement? And why doesn't mentioned Jedi master know about this secret relationship he is supposed to have? I hope you find it funny at least it's supposed to be...


Author's note: Hi, it's me again. Just wanted to warn you: this didn't turn out the way I imagined it should, but I think it might be mildly funny, anyway.

This is somewhat AU as Order 66 is not executed, but just see for yourselves...

Disclaimer: Do I really have to say it? All right, nothing belongs to me. There, now you've made me sad...

**Surprise Party**

Disgusted, Obi-Wan threw the blaster away.

„So…" he tried to summon an appropriately condemning word for the way he had been forced to dispose of his adversary. "…uncivilized."

Obi-Wan looked down on the remains of General Grievous, the most wanted Separatist since Dooku's death. He had created a huge mess on the out-of-the-way landing platform they had fought on. The cyborg had been a rather formidable foe because he could wield four lightsabers at once, and at an amazing speed at that. Still, Obi-Wan had defeated the General after a long fight that would probably have seemed quite awesome for outsiders to watch but was certainly less enjoyable when one was an active participant. It definitely had ended not particularly enjoyable for Grievous. The part of Grievous that had still been organic was now in fact generously splattered all over Obi-Wan's robes. And that didn't smell very nice, either.

Seeing no sense in wasting a sarcastic remark on someone too dead to appreciate it, Obi-Wan walked away, limping slightly. What had made him try to kick Grievous when the droid's shins were made from solid metal and his weren't, he still didn't know. He only knew that now it hurt like hell and his leg would probably turn blue and purple and green where it had connected with Grievous' metal limb.

Obi-Wan shoved that thought aside. After all, he still had a battle to win…

___________________________________________________________________________

"I have a _very _bad feeling about this!" Obi-Wan couldn't help but think. He didn't say it out loud, though, because nobody ever seemed to appreciate his bad feelings even if they were right most of the time. At least, he had his lightsaber back. Commander Cody had picked it up somewhere along the way and handed it back to him mere moments ago. Still, the bad feeling was not going away. As Obi-Wan risked a glimpse back, he saw Cody talking to the blue projection of a cloaked and hooded figure on the emergency commlink installed in his white armour.

Obi-Wan could almost taste the tension. If something were about to happen, now would have been the perfect moment for it.

Nothing happened.

Obi-Wan was puzzled. Usually he could trust his feelings (especially the bad ones). Apparently, not this time.

Of course the middle of a heated battle was not the safest place to be, but that did not warrant the extremely bad feeling he had been experiencing for the last few minutes. That kind of bad feelings preceded terrible events, like finding out that the Chancellor was in fact the Sith Lord they had been looking for and that the war would end in the destruction of the Jedi Order while a Jedi-turned-Sith was attacking the Temple. But that was unthinkable. Feeling slightly paranoid, Obi-Wan shook his head to clear it of such strange thoughts. There was no need to become distracted by his seemingly overactive imagination now, even if he did not especially like the Chancellor and was more than a bit concerned about Anakin. But the scenario he was picturing was completely over the top. Obi-Wan could almost her Anakin say: "Master, that's overkill!"

Obi-Wan reigned in his straying thoughts. It would not do to lose his concentration now. Leaving Boga, his reptilian steed, behind (he didn't want her shot to pieces) he plunged headfirst into battle, ignoring the bad feeling still nagging at him.

_________________________________________________________________________

Commander Cody watched General Kenobi fight half of the droid army all on his own. He couldn't help but admire the courage and skill with which Kenobi fought. And that was why he silently regretted what he had to do. He would sorely miss the General once he was gone. He had just received an order from Coruscant. Pointing towards the Jedi, he barked an order of his own, which was obeyed instantly.

________________________________________________________________________

A lot of Clones were coming Obi-Wan's way. There was his bad feeling again. But as seemed to be usual on this mission, the bad feeling was not justified. The Clones were taking over the fighting because they had a message for their General: Obi-Wan was to return to the Temple at once and leave the fighting in the able hands of some Jedi or other that would shortly arrive. A bit confused about this sudden request to return but still glad to be able to leave Utapau earlier than expected, Obi-Wan jumped into the nearest starfighter and took off.

Halfway to Coruscant, he was contacted by Yoda. The venerable green Jedi Master told him that "the need to hurry, past is" and that "return to your quarters and relax, you should when arrived, you have".

Now this was getting stranger by the minute, Obi-Wan thought. At first, the Council wanted him to return _immediately_ and now they told him not to hurry and relax. Not that he was complaining. Rather, he was looking forward to a long, hot shower and a comfortable bed. He looked a mess, to say the least. He was full of dust and dirt; his robes were scorched and torn and still splattered with the foul-smelling remains of Grievous. No, he didn't mind at all that he could get cleaned up before having to report to the Council.

So after walking through a rather empty Temple, he arrived in front of the quarters he was still sharing with Anakin. Between all the missions and Anakin's incapability of taking care of any household, Obi-Wan's former padawan had never moved out. Which was just as well, as Anakin would probably suffocate in the chaos that would invariably engulf him in no time if Obi-Wan weren't there to clean up. With a weary sigh, he punched in the code that would open the door. Inside, everything was dark. Anakin had probably gone out with his girlfriend, not that Obi-Wan was supposed to know that Anakin had a secret relationship. In fact, he even made sure that he was as ignorant of the whole affair as he could possibly be.

Obi-Wan didn't bother with the lights. He didn't even need his Jedi senses to navigate his way through this apartment because he had lived in here since he had become Qui-Gon's apprentice and knew the layout by heart. He was already halfway through the apartment when suddenly the lights in the living room flared to life.

Obi-Wan could only stare at the crowd that took up most of the space between the couch and the table that was laden with all kinds of snacks and beverages. All the members of the Council were standing in there, along with lots of other Jedi Obi-Wan knew or didn't know, Anakin, Senator Amidala and the Chancellor, though Obi-Wan couldn't for the life of him figure out what _politicians_ were doing in his living room.

His thoughts were suddenly interrupted by shouts of "Surprise!" and "Congratulations!" coming from the crowd of what clearly were the guests of a party. Everyone was wearing silly hats, and on one wall, there was a huge, brightly coloured banner that said "Congratulations, Mace Yoda Obi-Wan!"

The whole crowd was beaming at the baffled Jedi standing in the middle of the hallway. Even Mace couldn't help pulling up one corner of his mouth in an almost-smile that looked a tiny bit less grim than usual. All of this was a surprise indeed, though Obi-Wan had not the slightest inkling as to how he had earned a surprise party.

"Thank you very much, but you do know that today is not my birthday, do you?" he inquired.

Yoda answered in his usual, garbled manner: "Know this, of course, we do. Stupid, we are not!"

Having said that, he turned his attention to the snacks and started stuffing is face with some sort of green crisps.

Before Obi-Wan could further ask about the purpose of this in his opinion rather ill-timed party, Anakin pushed his way through the crowd towards his former master. Beaming, he gave Obi-Wan a huge hug.

"I am so happy for you! Congratulations on your engagement! I am so glad that you finally found someone you love so much that you want to spend the rest of your life with him. Although I always thought that it would be with a woman and not with a man, much less with the remains of what once was a man and is now packed into the body of a droid. But I am sure that General Grievous… what's his real name? I think that now he is your betrothed, I shouldn't call him General Grievous anymore, it doesn't fit… anyway, I am sure he will be a loving… wife or husband. Have you agreed on who will be the bride yet? When will you marry?"

Obi-Wan didn't believe what he had just heard. What was Anakin babbling on about?

"Anakin, what are you talking about?" Obi-Wan asked, thinking that either the whole galaxy or he must have gone insane.

Anakin completely ignored this question. Instead, he went on as if this was the most normal thing in the world: "Of course I am a bit sad that you never told me anything about your secret relationship. How long has this been going on? But then, I have no right to complain, seeing as I never told you about my marriage, either. I am glad that we can finally welcome you to the circle of married Jedi. You are the last one on the council to join this circle, anyway."

Obi-Wan was shocked: "WHAT? Are you saying that the whole COUNCIL is married? And that you are, too? But… but… what about the Code?"

"The only one who keeps to the Code, you were. Married, we all are!" Yoda revealed.

Mace snorted. "How do you think Yaddle came to be on the Council if not through marriage to Yoda? Certainly not because she is so clever... or good-looking!"

Yoda protested: "Very good-looking, she is. The sexiest Jedi in the Temple, she is!"

Obi-Wan shuddered. He would have been grateful if he had never known about that. Now he had lots of images in his head that wouldn't let him sleep for some time because of the horrible nightmares they would produce.

He glanced around the room, not listening to his former padawan's ramblings about love and marriage any more and ignoring what Mace and Yoda were revealing. He didn't want to know.

Obi-Wan didn't have any intention of marrying anyone, least of all the military leader of the Separatists, whom he had in fact _killed _only hours ago. Why they all seemed to readily accept the completely ridiculous idea that Obi-Wan was engaged to General Grievous, he couldn't begin to understand. He decided that if he wanted to stay sane, he would have to forget what he had just heard about married Jedi as fast as possible.

Absently, he wondered how all of this had come to pass…

___________________________________________________________________________

A few hours earlier in the Jedi Temple:

Anakin was skipping along the hallways of the Jedi Temple, humming softly to himself.

He was in a very good mood today. He was also on his way to Master Windu, who had requested that Anakin join him in one of the conference rooms of the Temple.

Anakin suspected that this was yet _another_ assignment to tell the Chancellor about this or that and carefully watch his expression. He had already been in the office of his friend Palpatine to tell him that the Jedi were not mad about the Sith anymore, that the Jedi requested a rise in payment, that Master Yoda had gone to the Pink Side of the Force and that they had run out of beans. And every time they had asked that Anakin took careful note of the Chancellor's reaction and report it to the Council. Anakin didn't see the point in all this, but most of the time he had lots of fun telling Palpatine all the things the Council made up.

When he arrived, Mace Windu was just finishing a conversation with a small, blueish Commander Cody via his commlink.

With the words "Thank you Commander, that will be all." he shut off the connection.

Then he turned to Anakin.

"Anakin, I have just received news of Obi-Wan on Utapau. I ask you to go to the Chancellor and tell him what I am telling you now, and please take careful note of his reaction. Apparently, Obi-Wan has engaged General Grievous in battle."

"But that's wonderful! I will go tell Palpatine right away." And not listening to another word Mace said, he rushed off...

Anakin was happy for his former master. On his way to Palpatine, he pondered what all of this meant for Obi-Wan. He knew from his marriage to Padmé how wonderful it felt to love and be loved, and to give that love expression in the sacred vow of marriage. All of this was so romantic! True, Obi-wan wasn't married yet, but apparently he had already given someone his promise to marry him. And Obi-Wan always kept his promises. But Anakin couldn't quite understand Obi-Wan's choice of partner. He had always imagined some beautiful woman would be lucky enough to get his former master. He wouldn't have thought that Obi-Wan liked men, much less coughing remains of what used to be a man that were now encased in the body of a droid. But if the General made Obi-Wan happy, Anakin would accept that. And with that thought in mind, Anakin had arrived in front of his friend's office.

Anakin stormed into the Chancellor's office. Palpatine had been waiting for him for quite some time now. It was time to reveal his true identity and make Anakin his new apprentice. He had it all planned out: That pest Kenobi was off planet, chasing after Grievous, and couldn't ruin Palpatine's plans. Or so The Sith Lord thought. Until Anakin came running into his office. According to his plans, he had wanted an upset Anakin, not a happy and beaming one.

"Anakin, my boy. What's the matter? You seem happy!" Palpatine gave Anakin a kind smile.

He poured himself a cup of coffee and offered some to Anakin, too.

"Chancellor, I have great news! Obi-Wan and General Grievous are engaged!"

Palpatine had a hard time not to choke on his coffee. That annoying Jedi was supposed to dispose of the General, not start a relationship with him! But Anakin seemed enthusiastic about it, and Palpatine decided it was best to play along.

"Anakin, that's wonderful news! We should celebrate this special occasion." If the Sith Lord couldn't execute his original plan, he would at least get rid of Anakin as fast as possible and give Order 66. Maybe the death of his master would help him in getting Anakin to join the Dark Side. How he would justify giving this order, he would have to think about afterwards.

But he never got the chance, as Anakin enthusiastically gripped his arm, shouted "That's a splendid idea! And you are invited to the surprise party we'll throw him!" and dashed off, the Chancellor stumbling after him.

Somewhere along the way, they picked up Padmé who had just come from some kind of political meeting (well, at least according to her, in truth she looked more like she just came back from an extensive shopping spree). And with that the three started to plan the surprise party for Obi-Wan.

It seemed Anakin's enthusiasm was contagious. Soon, the whole Council was involved. They were decorating the living room, and Anakin donned his cloak and hid his face in the hood so as not to spoil the surprise and contacted Commander Cody. He asked him to tell Obi-Wan that his presence was required immediately in the Temple.

But although they had lots of help organizing the party, they were a bit behind schedule. So Yoda called Obi-Wan again, telling him not to hurry to buy them some more time.

They had just finished the preparations and turned off the lights when Obi-Wan opened the door to his apartment. After the unsuspecting Jedi Master had made a few steps into the apartment, they turned on the lights and started shouting…

___________________________________________________________________________

Back at the party…

Obi-Wan groaned. That was _just_ the thing his padawan would do. Anakin always took everything literally. At least, he had gotten an explanation for the strange situation he found himself in, as Anakin had recounted the events of this afternoon for him.

"Anakin, I have engaged General Grievous _in battle_. That means I was fighting him, not proposing to him!"

"But I was so happy for you! It seemed such a nice idea." Anakin whined.

Obi-Wan looked around sceptically.

Anakin looked at Obi-Wan sceptically."Anyway, how do you look? You are all dirty and you _stink_! Is that the way to arrive at a party?" Anakin chastised him.

Obi-Wan sighed. "You see, I didn't ask for a party. In fact, I had no idea that there would even _be_ a party. And I think that this party is not a very good idea, seeing as the reason for this party is most unusual and not to say completely ridiculous. And I would very much appreciate if-"

"No, master, you can't just send them home now! The party has only just begun! And who will eat all the snacks we prepared? It will be so much fun! Just relax this once and unwind a bit." Anakin tried to convince Obi-Wan to just enjoy the party.

But Obi-Wan would have none of it. "I am tired, dirty, my right leg hurts like hell, and I don't want to have to explain to all the guests that I am positively _not_ going to marry General Grievous. I just want a shower and my bed!"

For one short moment, Obi-Wan looked like he wanted to despair. Why did it always have to be _his_ padawan – sorry, his former padawan? Why couldn't anything ever be normal for him? But then, he regained control over his emotions and accepted the fate that life had handed him.

Still, he did _not_ have to attend a party that was completely insane, and he had no wish to experience Yoda drunk again. The last time he had seen that still gave him nightmares…

So he turned around and walked straight out of his apartment again. As much as he hated it, he would just go to the Healer's Wing. It was probably deserted anyway, as all the healers were at his party right now. And the last room on the left was almost like his second home with the amount of time he spent there...

"Good that gone, he is. Only have spoiled the fun, he would have!" was Yoda's assessment of the situation. "Now, a drinking game, we will play, without having to hear that against the Code, it is. PARTY!!!"

And with that, the biggest party that was ever to take place in Obi-Wan's quarters truly began.

Author's note: Just to explain some things: Obi-Wan has a bad feeling because Anakin is planning this party. Cody is regretful because Obi-Wan will leave soon, and he will have a much harder time winning against the Separatists.

As always, I would thank you if you left a review. Not that you have to, it just would be nice if you did...


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